Today, I feel like I’m drowning. Like I can’t breathe. Like nothing is going to be okay.
But I know this is temporary.
I stupidly started reading through emails from the first time my mental health ended a relationship. I was hurt and to make a point I sent images of my self harm knowing it would tear him apart, but I didn’t mean for it to tear us apart. All I wanted was some acknowledgement for the pain he was causing. We sent three emails the year after but our friendship never continued and it’s almost as if we never met.
Everyone that’s come into my life since has left. Friendships that disappeared with no reason. Abandoned by boyfriends that couldn’t even explain to me why.
Since I’ve been back in Kent I’ve tried my best not to make new connections, because having people torn out your life again and again eventually makes you push people out your life to avoid the pain all together.
Today it feels as if I have nothing. And all I can think about is a quote from Skins:
“It’s kinda easy when you’ve got nothing because nothing can’t be taken away from you, but I don’t want nothing anymore.”
Soph
x
bladesbeatsandbpd 